Ah, the wounded feminine attributes. This can be a tricky one to pinpoint. I hear the song "Head Games" by Foreigner (gives my age), but it's a pretty accurate description of what the wounded feminine is.

Side note: The ultimate objective of pointing out the wounded aspects of both masculine and feminine is to heal them so we can all step into our Divine potential as humans. The beauty of being human is that we can observe, discern and heal from the complexities our confused ego might provide. Every lesson, every "mistake," is a chance to learn and grow - and earth is an exceptional classroom.

The Wounded Feminine Attributes:

• The "mean girl"
• Codependency
• Gossipping
• Manipulating
• Needy
• Overly emotional
• Overly sensitive
• Passively aggressive
• Powerless Victim Withholding information (as a means of undermining)

This has been an interesting behavioral pattern to observe being the mother of a now 10 year-old. Girls begin to demonstrate gossipy,  exclusionary behavior younger and younger. I've had many a conversation with my daughters about just letting others' insecurities roll off their shoulders by doing their own thing or considering it just an oversight. Nonetheless, it is challenging and hurtful when you're surrounded by it. And what's scarier is that such behavior is deemed as "powerful" and even acceptable.

But the wounded feminine only presents herself when she feels powerless. The wounded feminine feels she has no direct power on a subconscious level, so she has to go about regaining her power in a roundabout and "cutting at the knees" sort of way, often looking for others to take her side. What's tricky about her is you may not even realize what's happening until you're sucked into a spaghetti-looking skewed drama.

The healed feminine knows who she is, doesn't have to prove anything or exclude to make others feel less than, can have direct conversations when things don't sit right with her, and all of this can be done from a place of love. It's all about what I call "The Mirror Theory." We reflect and project outward what wounds we have on the inside. If we are fearful of rejection, we'll exclude others. If we are afraid of betrayal, we will gossip and put others down in a huddled circle of "eliteness." Until we work on these patterns within ourselves, either learned or inherent, we will continue this cycle.

On the other hand, the antithesis is mindfulness. MINDFULNESS. And inclusion. Inclusion opens the heart and allows for healthy expansion; exclusion shrinks the heart.

The solution for healing the wounded feminine?

DIRECT COMMUNICATION in a loving and healthy way.

If you are the recipient of the wounded feminine and you can feel (again solar plexus/gut or heart space) you're getting sucked into a deeper issue that has nothing to do with you!

TOOLS:

1. Identify or discern an attack on you or someone else. Our tendency might be to take sides, either to fit in or "listen" out of compassion. If you are not directly involved in what you are hearing, words of wisdom: Don't participate.

2. Have a one liner to remove yourself from the conversation. If you get sucked in, just say, short and sweet, "Have you processed this situation with blah, blah? Maybe it's time to speak to them directly - when you're ready." OR, if you can't say anything, nod politely and excuse yourself. There's always a bathroom nearby.

3. Find a counselor/professional to talk about specific problems with "so and so," NOT people who might be emotionally tied (i.e. close friends or family members). Avoid enmeshment unless direct participants are able to hear and work on what you're observing. The latter takes much discernment and healing on both ends, so check your internal compass first.

4. Breathe in your name and breathe out the name of the person dumping their frustrations. Do this three times. Again, we don't always need to completely block someone from our sphere, but we also don't need to hold their baggage; it gets heavy over time.

5. Write about what a "Mother" is if you're confused about what being feminine actually is. My favorite Divine Feminine role models are Mother Mary (and I'm not Catholic; this is not about religion but character), Mary Magdalene, Oprah Winfrey, Mother Theresa, Pema Chödron, Brené Brown, and actually my own mother (I'm lucky). How would these women respond? Channel that gorgeous Divine Feminine energy, all coming from a place of authentic LOVE.

Historically, the patriarchy has had an interesting and tumultuous influence over the feminine, and she has morphed over time, often feeling powerless. The thing is, she never lost her power. Her power lies in holding healthy and loving space for others to heal. Her power lies in CREATION - the womb - and potential. And, friends, she is stepping, again, into her power.

With power and love,
Jess

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