Hi, my name’s Jessica and I’m a recovering know-it-all, or more like “fix-it-all” healer.

I’m being called to write about this particular topic because I’ve seen a lot of people offering me advice in areas where I really don’t need it, nor did I ask for it. And it’s ok! I get it. Like I said, I’m recovering from a childhood and early adulthood need to fix everything to keep my world calm. I get WHY they offer – they are trying to help. ❤️

(AND, side note for the parents: I notice that I provide all sorts of advice for my daughter Isabella, thus robbing her of any ability to solve her own problems.)

Which leads to this: Sometimes we think we know what someone else needs to change them or their situation for the better. But, ultimately by offering advice when it’s not wanted, it can’t and won’t be received. This can be frustrating for both parties. And, this leads to a few things…

1. They get annoyed. In general, if someone’s telling us what to do, in essence this implies that we don’t know what we’re doing! It actually takes our power as well as keeps us from learning whatever lesson it is we need to learn, especially if someone’s holding all our weight.
2. People may not be ready to hear the message just yet. You’ll know this because, when you offer the advice, they either get defensive, dismissive or resentful (or the combo pack if you have a teen).
3. You telling them what to do will not fix the overriding issue which is their ability to SEE what they need to do for themselves. Part two of this, in my observation as a teacher, counselor, mentor and forever supporter of every individual’s empowerment is that they learn the opportunity best if they solve the problem themselves.
4. Even if they’re spilling their life’s miseries, it’s none of your business. This is a tough one because our knee jerk is to question why they’re sharing?!

5 Best Tools to Avoid the Temptation of Offering Unsolicited Advice:

1. Ask first if they want to just “get it out” or if they’d like your advice/suggestions. If the former, don’t say anything. This is good when someone is unleashing problems they are working through.
2. If you’ve offered advice and they clearly are not wanting to hear it because they’re wrapped up in “the story” or just not ready, send the healing to their Higher Self. Say a prayer for their healing. Repeat the serenity prayer. Preferably not in front of them.
3. People share because they need to release. If you are “that person” who holds a lot of space, be sure to breathe in your name and breathe out theirs (x3) so they are not energetically “dumping” into your field. If it’s too late and you’re already carrying their weight, take a salt bath and practice the breathing, acceptance, forgiveness, release.
4. If you have a “broken record” person – someone who has been working on the same problem for a long time – and you are tired of the same story, tired of offering advice and them not hearing, it’s time to say something lovingly. Love, acceptance and authenticity is key here.
5. Ask questions instead of telling. We all have the answers within us. Seek to empower!

Happy sharing, my friends – advice that can be more impactful if shared tactfully and in an empowering manner!

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